Because I’m a very weak-willed person and a bad mother generally, I violated my very own vow to myself and acquired my son a computer game system.
But I used to be determined that my son, Cheetah Boy, wouldn’t rot his brain on such trash.
Instead, he would spend his leisure hours as an adolescent in uplifting activities, like reading “War and Peace,” raising money for starving children in Africa, or even composing a replacement Mozart opera.
I even wrote a column about this some years ago entitled “Video Games Were Invented By The Devil.” I followed it up with My bad: Video games aren’t from Satan, within which I explained that they were created by Voldemort.
There’s no sense of irony in the video-gaming community.
And it certainly is ironic that I should get my son an Xbox 360 and just finally break down.
I did it mostly so I could take it aloof from my son, using it as a consequence for undesirable behavior.
And it’s worked for that purpose. After his friends bring over video games and play when I’m not around, little did I do know that his video games, especially “Grand Theft Auto,” would teach some life lessons that are important.
As you may know, “Grand Theft Auto” is a hugely popular game series in which players portray urban criminals in a sensible scenario where they encounter mob kingpins, drug dealers, prostitutes, and other upstanding individuals. You can even access mods like GTA 5 money PS4 players would love to use.
This game has been around for 15 years and spawned numerous editions, so kids have an opportunity to induce involved in a very large choice of underworld assignments.
Unlike the mom some years ago who called the cops because her son wouldn’t stop playing “Grand Theft Auto,” I’ve got been impressed by a number of the items my son has learned while playing this game.
Here are a number of inspirational life lessons:
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- If you shoot a cop, then hide for five minutes, everyone will forget all about it.
- You can carry a precision rifle, a chainsaw, a pistol, a machine gun and grenades in your pocket, simultaneously.
- Your girlfriend might shoot you during a heist, so beware.
- You can be killed and are available back to life, whether or not you don’t believe Jesus.
- If you run over people during a high-speed chase, they aren’t killed, but only knocked out for a small amount.
- Get a different-colored car if you’re being chased by the police. They’ll never catch you.
- Bald men can go in a barbershop and are available out with an Afro.
- By painting your car, you’ll fix all damages.
- And, in step with the Washington Post, kids can even learn to drive.
A 6-year-old boy in Virginia managed to drive his mom’s car 10 miles before striking a utility pole, then told the police that he had learned to drive by playing “Grand Theft Auto.”
Sadly, unlike the computer game, the car didn’t manage to mend itself and keep going.
Thankfully, though, the boy wasn’t hurt, though he was somewhat miffed that sheriff’s deputies wouldn’t let him walk the remainder of the thanks to school.
These are only some of the items that children can learn from this game, which is rated “Mature” for adults only.
Of course, the “Mature” rating to kids means, “Play your older brother’s or dad’s copy because your mom won’t allow you to die.”
Personally, I’d prefer to see “Grand Theft Auto: Incarceration,” during which the criminals will all be doing time in maximum-security prisons, surrounded by cold-hearted prison guards and sharpshooters in high towers, in the end, their victims come and testify against them at trial.
Until then, we’ll just content ourselves with the teachings we’ve already learned.